Thursday, May 29, 2008

Another reason to fear Rachel Ray.

Hide the women, children and fashionable neck wear, they are here. We have heard about it infinitely, but surely, what is pictured below is the most concrete proof yet that the terrorists have, indeed, infiltrated this great country.

Those with pre-existing heart conditions, easily nauseated, are pregnant or may become pregnant may not want to shift their eyes and inch downward:

No, a group of extremists have not plotted to systematically poison Dunkin' Doughnuts Iced Coffees, despite the fact that drinking a large may very well cause a bowel obstruction in a pachyderm. What has occurred is far more frightening, and has little to do with my fascination for poop jokes.

In the photo, Rachel Ray dons a kaffiyeh, because she supports terrorism. Or, at least thats what the story would have you believe.

Without a shred of their own reporting, the AP says the T.V. cooking show host "holds an iced coffee while standing in front of trees with pink blossoms."

My first thought was wondering why they bothered to mention the flowering trees. Then I realized Ray must not be mentally capable enough to realize that it is, in fact, springtime and no one has any business still wearing a scarf. Obviously, then, she purposely decided to leaf through her closet full of kaffiyehs to show her deep seeded Palestinian nationalism while simultaneously accenting the gallon of iced coffee she is clutching.

Also, if you click the button that says audio, Ray screams "Death to the Infidel" and proceeds to let the audience know what her favorite iced beverage is.

The story does a fantastic job of showing what not to do, when it uses conservative writer Michelle Malkin AS THE SOURCE of what a kaffiyeh is:

The kaffiyeh, Malkin wrote in a column posted online last Friday, “has come to symbolize murderous Palestinian jihad. Popularized by Yasser Arafat and a regular adornment of Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos, the apparel has been mainstreamed by both ignorant (and not-so-ignorant) fashion designers, celebrities, and left-wing icons.”

Without any additional investigation, insight, expert testimony or a simple copy-paste into wiki-pedia, the story goes on to spurt out some of the most gloriously nonsensical PR I have seen in a very long time. Dunkin' Doughnuts, the people who pride themselves on fried, sometimes frosted or jelly-filled dough and over-sugared coffee, stated "“the possibility of misperception detracted from its original intention to promote our iced coffee.” The statement is so well boggled, that Blogger's spell-check puts the same red underline under misperception as it does misunderestimated.

The chain is vehement in insisting that there was no symbolism intended in the choice of scarf. To accentuate this, they pulled the ad and clarified that the scarf was paisley. (Unfortunately, the AP beat writer may have to write a similar story tomorrow when people realize paisley shows symbolic support for The Soap and Detergent Association.)

Seriously, though, this sort of thing makes my Restless Leg Syndrome become violent. Somehow, we cannot possibly fathom why certain people would not want our culture to become part of theirs. Our society of is so inherently perfect and universal, it is a sin to possibly reject it. Yet, when an example of another culture is infused into ours, even if it only resembles said example, we become maniacal. A kaffiyeh, while indeed worn by some who believe and practice a skewed and unpopular version of the Muslim faith, is simply a traditional headdress.

That's it.

But yes, let us continue to reject any cultural infusion that is not our own, because it is scary, and additionally continue to demand everyone swallows our Red, White and Tan iced coffee culture everywhere else.

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